Any Effort is Away from Yourself

Rupert Spira : Any Effort is Away from Yourself

 

0:00 so just to go very briefly to sketch the meditation that we did this morning what
0:07 when you go outside in nature
0:08 you see object to just talking with relative convince you you see objects
0:13 trees rocks
0:15 yeah and the reason that you can see them is because they are all lit up by
0:20 the sun’s light
0:21 the sun’s light disappears the object disappear
0:25 so although you can’t actually see the sun’s light you can nevertheless the
0:31 fact that you can see objects is because they’re illumined by something that we
0:35 call night
0:36 that’s just a metaphor now take your experience instead of trees fields and
0:41 sky its thoughts sensations and perceptions you
0:45 we don’t see them we know them
0:49 yes and they are rendered knowable by let’s call it something just like that
0:57 objects in nature are rendered invisible by the sun’s light
1:00 now what is it that renders your experience knowable it is the knowing
1:09 you were located
1:11 that’s what we call knowing what ever it is that illuminates our experience
1:15 rendering it normal is what I call knowing or awareness or consciousness on
1:22 but that’s what i mean by knowing and so yes you’re right it’s a word but it’s a
1:28 word that points towards something that is very real
1:32 in our experience which is normally completely overlooked when we look
1:37 outside we normally just say I see trees fields and sky
1:42 we don’t normally say I see light likewise when we look at our experience
1:47 we normally say I know thoughts sensations and perceptions
1:51 we don’t normally say I know knowing I would i but in fact we do know knowing
2:00 so
2:03 the word knowing refers to something that you do know very intimately
2:09 it’s not just an abstract idea on the country it’s the most real element of
2:14 your experience
2:15 yes I i do understand and I do know that time I didn’t mean to imply that I had
2:21 no idea what you were talking about it’s just at that point I realized that’s all
2:27 it is to me in that moment I have had experiences of what you’re talking about
2:31 of course this week but I was just let me interrupt you again
2:35 that’s right you say i have had experiences of what you are talking
2:38 about which suggests that knowing is sometimes present and sometimes not
2:43 present even when you are sitting in meditation completely frustrated
2:49 what is that frustration known by this following it makes no difference whether
2:55 you’re sitting in frustrated in a bit sorry sitting in meditation in a
2:59 blissful state or whether you’re frustrated
3:03 it doesn’t matter because the focus of our interest is not either in the
3:08 blissful state or in the frustration
3:10 it’s with the knowing that knows these
3:18 and you can never say that you don’t know that or that it’s not available in
3:22 other words you can never legitimately say oh
3:25 in this moment the word knowing is just an abstract concept to me well it is it
3:29 a concept but it refers to something but in every moment is real and available so
3:39 sorry I interrupted you not know
3:41 carry on Oh
3:52 I do understand that and it’s knowing is always stay when I’m frustrated yes I
4:07 don’t really know what what what to say it’s just was very it’s uncomfortable
4:12 and it’s not what I’m what I’m used to when I’m when I’m experience not
4:20 experiencing but when I am when I’m standing ask that knowing there’s a
4:25 difference when I’m like usually abiding just annoying a standing and said
4:28 knowing
4:29 although it’s always there that was not my experience this morning
4:34 it’s it’s like I said it’s this effort to stand I stand knowing
4:40 yes i can put it in any other but you can only make an effort to stand as
4:45 something if that something is conceived as an object so the fact that you are
4:53 making an effort to stand as something it shows that you’re making an effort
4:57 not to stand as what you are currently standing as but to stand as something
5:03 else at this something else must be an object so the effort you are making to
5:11 stand as something else
5:13 prevents you in that moment from not standing as but rather being knowingly
5:20 that knowing to forget the forget the phrase standing as because it suggests
5:27 that you have to stop standing as one thing and start standing as something
5:32 else and then that creates an effort from the first thing towards the second
5:37 thing
5:39 replace that phrase with being knowingly this knowing now the important thing is
5:47 it’s not just being this knowing because you are already this nine
5:52 it’s just that you notice that you are this knowing being knowingly this
5:57 knowing that takes the distance out of it
6:02 the effort out of it it’s not some new experience that you have to have its
6:08 it’s the equivalent of a friend saying to you while you’re reading a novel see
6:15 the page you don’t suddenly see the page as a new experience you just notice you
6:24 just knowingly see the page previously you were unknowingly seeing the page you
6:31 don’t suddenly see the page for the first time and in order to see the page
6:38 to begin with we have to take our focus off the words of the novel
6:43 I think that’s where the effort incomes and yes even if i’m right now replaced
6:51 replace what I’ve been telling myself with be knowingly it would be the same
6:55 effort to realize that I’m knowingly being this
7:01 it’s you know while i say i noted its I add that does not understand that that
7:09 you also know what you say you don’t know I am I see down
7:20 it’s it’s a relaxation of an effort not a new effort
7:30 you’re right even although he knowingly this knowing is is closer
7:39 a truer statement then stand as awareness
7:43 nevertheless it it also has some limitations to it it’s not quite right
7:47 because for the reasons that you cite so in this moment there is the knowing of
8:00 your experience that that’s all there is in this permit the knowing of your
8:07 experience that knowing is what you are
8:12 it is not possible that this the slightest effort to be that would appear
8:21 to take you away from that and the effort could only be an effort away from
8:31 myself if I were to ask you now stand up and take a step towards yourself
8:42 the slightest effort you make in any direction would seem i say seem because
8:48 even any effort that you make you would take yourself with you
8:52 so
9:01 when you feel frustration you then make an effort to seize feeling frustrated
9:08 because the frustration seems to be a contradiction of what is being suggested
9:14 but even in the feeling of frustration you can leave it totally alone
9:19 the frustration the confusion the irritation
9:22 even if it builds into anger or arm
9:26 it doesn’t matter don’t touch your experience
9:31 don’t try to manipulate it even in the frustration sake yourself
9:40 this frustration is just made of the knowing of it
9:44 look at the frustration but see the knowing
9:48 no the knowing
9:56 I can’t find another way at the moment of from revoking in you this
10:07 thank you and relaxation of the attention is sinking bank and the
10:15 attention into its source
10:17 so sorry what you said was helpful so i’ll definitely want to sit with it and
10:24 that one thing just came to my mind so I’m just going to say that it’s going to
10:29 listen to you what you just said it’s almost like I feel like you like almost
10:37 coming full circle because then i end up
10:41 there’s nothing to do whatever im doing its you know why did I come here to and
10:46 write the place in the first place because knowing is there anyways
10:49 all the time I don’t know if that makes any sense it just came to me it’s like I
10:54 think my mind is trying to grasp it something – I don’t want to do to work
10:59 with and yes that’s true your your mind is grasping at something to do an effort
11:06 to make and because there is still a seeking of some kind of subtle object or
11:17 subtle state and and that’s frustrating because you are not finding what you
11:23 want in the way you think you’re going to find it of course I understand also
11:27 that you ended that you understand intellectually but what I understand
11:31 that but also there is a residue in you of seeking this as a subtle object not a
11:37 physical object at a state and because you’re not finding that because it’s not
11:42 possible to find that this is frustrating for you and then in order to
11:49 justify that frustration the mind comes in and says oh well even frustration is
11:58 made out of the knowing of it so why did I come on invite retreat i may as well
12:01 and this exciting the holistic
12:06 kind of fashionable neo advaita approach begins to come in to justify
12:14 the frustration and the effort but that nihilistic approach is not satisfying it
12:24 best it will just numb you you could you go
12:28 I’m not suggesting you’re going to do this but but someone that really
12:31 believes that they may think okay I may as well just go often stop exploring
12:36 this because everything is appears in a – everything’s made out for when it’s
12:39 including my frustration and my anger and my etc etc and they kind of console
12:46 themselves with that thought for a while but it’s not satisfying
12:50 it’s it’s a it’s a very superficial again i’m not suggesting that this is
12:58 what you’re doing but it’s a superficial approach that doesn’t satisfy and again
13:05 the suffering that that we feel the frustration the conflict the loneliness
13:09 will compel us to rise up again and go in search of anger and we’ll find
13:17 ourselves sooner or later back at the meeting like this
13:21 yeah I don’t think just not enjoy it with me doing it I like not high i know
13:27 that i can see that that’s not the case because it’s almost like it’s almost the
13:30 opposite i’m not going to stop which is a problem
13:34 yeah trying something doing something because i’m not going to be in your case
13:40 you have to find that subtle place between ceasing to make the effort but
13:44 not allowing that minimalistic thought to rise and say oh well I might as well
13:48 go off back to my previous life again
13:51 so you have to find that place in between
13:55 yes that there’s nothing to do
13:59 however that doesn’t mean that i should just go back to my miserable life and
14:05 the console myself with the idea that everything appears in wins and I know
14:08 that whatever you’re doing and just them just taking the opportunity to but
14:13 sometimes i wish i was the way through the be honest sometimes they were too
14:16 late
14:16 and so that’s really it that is no longer an option
14:20 no once one’s heart has been touched by the truth as yours obviously has there’s
14:26 no going back
14:28 well thank you

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